The Alchemy of Daring to Decondition:
The longer version of my story (and this is still only a soundbite!) I suggest a nice cup of tea, I dare you to read it all!
One day I will write more specifically about certain adventures in my blog, contact me in the comments box below to request anything to be clarified and even better share your story with me.
Cocooned in Inspiration
I can not believe that I am only now realising now how lucky I have been to be surrounded by inspirational people from a young age and how much that has truly influenced me. I was born in Switzerland and having had amazing teachers at the International School of Geneva definitely shaped my love of learning. My parents are also inspirational hard working people. My mother an art teacher and my dad set up UNI Global Union. My brother produced his own music in the conscious hip-hop movement.
Tend To Your Own Garden
Since arriving in the UK in 2000 to study I have tried to push the boundaries of what I could be. There has always been an air of doing things differently around me. I graduated with a First in Behaviour in Organisations, this critical course was incredibly eye opening in deconstructing how the world works. I got angry about the state of affairs and wanted to change the world. I carried on in the same department with a Masters looking at the Alternative Globalisation Movement in our Global Civil Society and the use of utopian and dystopian worldviews in fostering hope and despair within the movement. My conclusions were a shock to me, that many activist groups were cult like, and had sever issues with hidden leadership. The hope lay in “tending to your own garden” being authentic Now Here with ourselves and each other.
Scrambling the Imprinting!
Having grown up in Switzerland to successful parents I had a lot to live up to. Ideals of success and career were imprinted in me at a young age, certainly in the International School. I quickly understood that these were not my self- realised ideals. I instinctively knew that I had to scramble the imprinting somehow. I had no idea how but I proceeded full throttle. I did this in several ways; the usual life and soul dance, drugs and techno and the less usual living outdoors for a year in a Bender (like a yurt) that a kind friend helped me build. This little Swiss girl had no idea how to build a fire and did not have an ingrained habit of washing up, so there was a steep learning curve. Living in a structure that had no straight lines definitely shook the mold and altered my conception of space, energy and time. Unlearning habits was my ultimate goal. Sometimes I went too far…I forgot about building healthy habits.
In 2006 after receiving my Masters, I moved to Northumberland and abandoned Bender life. Years of living to the extreme meant I was covered from head to foot in psoriasis. My journey into looking at my health and diet began here. I discovered a diet that completely cleared my psoriasis. As soon as I was healthy I conceived my daughter. This led me to move to a hidden gem of a valley in Mid Wales, where I had a home birth 35 miles from hospital and 950ft up a dirt track. I had Aisla, my Crystal daughter completely naturally. I never do things by halves and found a deep trust in my body and intuition. I had a short stint of setting up a raw chocolate business, but in the end I knew it was not my path to follow. I also experimented and researched raw food eating, alkaline diets and refined what suited me and my body type.
Navigating the Intercultural Highway
I started work when Aisla was 6 months old for a PEDEC Powys Development Education Centre which was a wonderful experience, I studied Education in Sustainable Development and Global Citizenship and worked with the Welsh Assembly Government to develop this work in the youth work sector. I successfully wrote and got the bid for a project on Racism in Rural Wales too. This led me to the opportunity of being trained as an Intercultural Navigator by the British Council, collaborating with 15 other eastern European countries, culminating in a 500 strong conference in Bratislava, where I facilitated large group discussions.
Standing On My Own Two Feet
Becoming a single mother was an incredibly difficult time for me, I left Wales to go back to Lancaster where I had a lot of support. I began working as a Shop Manger for Oxfam, and had 40 volunteers, which really built up my understanding of managing people by empowering them.
I think it took me five years to recover fully from the shock of becoming a mother after being such a free spirit. I suffered from postnatal depression on and off and a severe worry about what people thought of me. Paradoxically I knew I dared to do things differently, but worried what people would think. I went through another wild phase, trying to process all the life changes that had occurred. Slowly I started to look within rather than seeking answers and solace outside of myself.
One afternoon I realised I had healing hands, as I lay them on my friends injured head. A week later I was training in Reiki because I assumed that this is what I was doing. Within 6 months I had done 1000 hours of Reiki on myself and others. I built up discipline and a way to channel my wild energy and determination on something worthwhile: my own health and well-being.
Love Just Is
During that year I did a number of Conscious Connected Breathing Sessions on dry land as well as in a hot tub in Glastonbury. I had started to have shamanic visions around this time. The most poignant was when a cosmic serpent Artor took me out into the universe and taught me how love works. He showed me the masses of energy enveloping our whole planet in waves upon waves pink aurora borealis. He told me:
I became the snake and the snake became me. From that point forward I have refused to enter any stages of fear. To trust that all is completely well and as it should be, at all times and in all spaces.
I feel part of my calling is to hold an energy of love by not engaging in violence in the media, I have not had a TV for years, my mind is a muscle that I do not exercise with fear based programming.
Falling Off the Wagon
After my delayed 21 day detox, I trained in Reiki Level II and attempted to do another 21 day detox but life got in the way with too many distractions. I fell of the wagon so to speak- just the once and….
…fell down the stairs in March 2013. Top to bottom. I was very lucky to have not been crippled for life. I really believe that I was pushed by my higher self, or guardian angels as a lesson, that the high life was not my path. It no longer suited me, or brought me any useful scrambling of old patterns. As a path it had run it course. I got my wake up call. Unable to work, I was left with a lot of time on my hands to try and fix my broken body. I could hardly do much and was in constant pain.
Falling down the stairs was a blessing in disguise and gave me the opportunity to take a breather from the nine to five rat race I had been in for 3 years of driving 1.5 hours a day to a windowless shop, even if the volunteers were super this was not my path.
Magically Break & Make Habits
That breathing space off work, meant I could look up and look around. I now completed my Reiki Level II 21 day meditation. I mixed this up with a proper detox, liver flushing, and Alistair Crowley’s 21 Major Arcana of the Thoth Tarot. To say the least that was an incredibly magical 21 days. So many tears and obstacles were surmounted. Some friends worried; “What are you doing this to yourself?” I answered that I had no idea but I had to and that it would become clear.
I kept an invaluable journal three times a day and that was the key to me seeing a clear picture of what was going on in my head, being able to witness myself. How I was beating myself up before I even opened my eyes in the morning. How I was carrying around cellular level imprints of ancestral patterns of low self-esteem. As I opened my eyes to the labyrinth and quagmire of my personality I felt 21 days was simply not enough, so I embarked on a second set of 21 days.
At the end I felt great, but was none the wiser about how to completely clear what I had found inside me. This is when the universe answered my call and I heard about AuraTransformation™. That was the last time I wrote in my journal except to record the epic dreams I have been having.
I researched AuraTransformation™ and knew it was my future, it also described my daughter’s Crystal energy perfectly.
Days later I was in London having my AuraTransformation™, and two months later I was training as an AuraMediator™. It felt my year of being a hermit had been preparing for this very moment all year by illuminating all my shadows. It also meant I might become stronger again after a year of crying, feeling vulnerable and unprotected. It also held the key for what I was to do with my ingrained thought patterns and passed down ancestral coding and cellular trauma felt in my post natal episodes.
Be Like an Arrow with me as your Mirror
I am like an arrow now, on fire, burning to do what I came here to do. I feel cocooned in my own love and experiencing the world as my spirit. I do feel like a positive ‘Yes’ person, and if I reveal my own negativity and resistance I try and find a way out, a solution.
I will only share what I have experienced myself, all the ways I continuously clear fear- based hierarchical dualistic energy from my body and mind.
I believe these to be true and affirm constantly;
- Everything happens for a reason for the highest good of all.
- All is as it should be.
- Love Just Is.
- Love is not a weapon, it conquers all and affects all it touches.
- No fear.
- You create the reality you want.